sometimes a song could capture the current mood of your life... "what sarah said" by death cab for cutie has lingered on my mind for the last couple of months... the simple melody of the piano, the soothingly clear vocals of Ben Gibbard and his lyrical gift... this is an endearingly beautiful song...

it has new meaning now, since my granddad died on tuesday morning...

murakami said that some of us write because of pain...whether to numb it, avoid it, or as a way of facing it... i don't know... my thoughts and feelings are everywhere...and nowhere...

i think of him...he was surely one of the kindest person i've known in my life...i'm glad that i was back in malaysia for the last year of his life...he told me stories of his younger days, how he left china as a young man, lived in singapore, taiping, and finally settling in ipoh...i got to buy him coffee some days, when i visited him...ice-cream too...grandpa loved cornetto ice-cream...

somehow, i feel you're closer now, grandpa, than ever before... i can't explain why... we, and grandma, miss you terribly...

"What Sarah Said"

And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breathes as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today
As each descending peak of the LCD took you a little farther away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that out memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds
But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"

So who's going to watch you die?...