i would give anything...

photograph by Abbas Kiarostami

i would give anything for just one moment of lucidity; if i have the words, i would say it; say it like it matters; incredulous and intemperate; vitriolic and passionate; an eye for details, but blindness to solutions...

my blindness is my cure;
i am not at ease...
i stay awake, i'm no bodhisattva...
my chance existence;
is this of all paths the most enlightening?
Freud argues with Kant,
with Derrida we are all friends...
give me a socialism with individuals
a church only full of equals...

our temple is our bodies
our desires fashioned like prayers
ideas like kindness
that old, old divorce
Thought and Action
so divided, so separated...
my sins, my alienation
mon Marx call it what you will
you who trip up Hegel
only to face the Maos and Stalins

justice by the barrel of a gun
democratic violence and just wars
multiply and grow, spiral out of control
i don't know what's right, what's wrong
anymore...
but did we ever?...
does it matter?

i am haunted...
that pale man...
he stares at me
he lies in the dark
he is beyond
he is not me